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I think I need to either up my happy pills or to find a new one to take.. Honestly, I’d prefer the second option since a month’s prescription of cymbalta costs about $75 under our new health insurance plan…
I don’t want to seem like I’m complaining because I know that there are so many other people out there that have it worse off than me… I just don’t know how to deal with it. I’m sick of being in pain. Of being sick. And tired. Sore. Stiff. Grumpy. Bitchy. Crying. Lost. I just don’t know what to do anymore. The worst thing is that I feel like I’m pushing away the one person who has always been there for me. I feel like everything I say or do ends up starting a fight or a misunderstanding or I hurt his feelings. And honestly, even just the thought of losing him makes me want to give up. I have a hard enough time coping with everything as is, I don’t know what I would do if he ever realized that I wasn’t worth all the trouble I cause.
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My friends are understanding but, other than my mum and my boyfriend, I’ve always felt alone in my struggle. With mum, she and I could sit there and discuss all the pain and symptoms and side effects but I never wanted to go too far into detail when it came time to talk about the mental issues because I didn’t want her to feel bad or to worry. With my boyfriend, I can be completely honest and know that he’ll support me 200% but even then, some days I don’t want to tell him everything because I don’t want him to feel bad or worry or add more stress to him.
Since becoming more active on tumblr and realizing how many of us that there are out there, I’m feeling better about everything. It’s your fight and the way in which you approach it, both your strength and the admission of weaknesses, that make me feel like I can do it too. You all are rays of light shining through the darkness of my mind. And I love you all for it. <3