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I guess I just need to accept the consequences of my actions like I always tell everyone else. It just hurts so fucking much.
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Enbrel Thursdays… #enbrel #shot #ra #rheumatoidarthritis #pain #bandaid #injectorpen (Taken with Instagram)
After I got off work Friday afternoon, I went mountain biking with my boyfriend. It was only our third time going on this trail. I had been doing pretty good if I do say so myself, going faster, making it up more hills, etc. And then disaster struck.
We were almost 3/4ths of the way done with the trail, which is a couple of miles long. Casey had pulled away from me some so I was trying to pick up speed so that I could catch back up. That being said, I ended up going too fast down a hill. At the bottom of the hill, the trail cut a hard right. What we think happened is that my front wheel hit some sand/loose gravel and skidded. What I know happened is that my bike went to the left and my body went to the right. I slammed into the ground on my right side.
My head hit along the cheek bone and outer eye/temple area. It immediately started swelling and bled a little. I essentially ripped the skin off my shoulder, hip, and knee. I somehow also managed to hit my elbow and the back of my calf on something so they’re both swollen and bruised too.
We had to walk the last mile to get off the trail. Because I hit my head, we had to go to urgent care. Thankfully they said that I didn’t break anything and that nothing needed stitches.
My cuts and scrapes burn. My right eye is an ugly magenta color now and extremely swollen. (More annoying since my eye wasn’t swollen yesterday).
Thankfully I had this weekend off from work. If the swelling in my eye doesn’t go down though, I might not be able to go into work tomorrow morning though :/
[Image description: A manatee is swimming in green water, facing to the right of the frame. A big school of fish is swimming at the bottom of the frame. TEXT: “You are not broken. You are a person. And you can be hurt and frightened, but no one can break you. You are strong. You will heal one day. I promise.”]
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So very tired. I definitely didn’t sleep well at all last night and all I want to do is go back to sleep but, alas, I’m stuck at the dentist. I’ve been here for an hour already and I’ll be here for at least another hour more. We’re supposed to find out today if those injections straight into the jaw joints helped at all. Fingers crossed that they did because I don’t want to even think about what the next step will have to be if we can’t get my jaw to stabilize…
I thought that I was doing okay but just one thought has the ability to rip me up, to chill me to the core. I’m terrified and crying and I don’t know if things are going to be okay anymore. I don’t know what to do.
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I feel like everyone else is moving on with their lives and I’m just getting left behind.
Oh chronic illness cat, you know me so well :/
I love how a person can look fine on the outside, great even, but be so broken on the inside. I’m sick of being broken but I don’t know how to fix it. And for once, I’m not talking about my RA. Just everything else…
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